Truthfully this life is just a whole different level of shit that exists. It’s not like it used to be for me .all those decisions I made and how they follow me everyday. Drowning in my own thought is not even good enough anymore . I escape to the real depths of a pool for my own peace of mind,surrounding both physical and mental aspects of my life with wAter. Shutting everyone out is what I want to do because It tends to hurt many people. The doubt I have about myself is like a black hole. It consumes all other thoughts,leaving them as nothing. I care too much and they never seem to understand that. The things I do,the things I say,the way I behave. It’s all there screaming at you and u go dumb at that point as though u are in a whole different void zone altogether. Drowning. That’s all I need … That point. Where it’s all blank and free. My smiles are awesome. My company is great. But I’m a whole different person when I’m not around you. My deepest fears remain deep down out of reach And sight.